I am River Arin Laurie

Sat, Jul 4 2015 12:04pm CDT 1
37 Posts
My friend James expressed how the old me still holds a special place in his heart while still loving me and being proud of me for who I am today, and I wrote this in response:

I know that memories of the past version of me are important to some people, and that's fine, but I like to look at my life as a sequence of metamorphoses, like The Doctor's regenerations. Even though each one of his lives had meaning and purpose he always keeps his focus on his current regeneration, and often redirecting the conversation if anyone asks about his past. He has a lot of regrets and demons in his bigger-on-the-inside soul and would rather not let them dictate who he is now.

So, even though I've had a lot of great moments in those 33 years, gaining new knowledge and wisdom, evolving emotionally and spiritually, and seeing people come into and exit my life I was still struggling internally; I was still trying to be something that I wasn't, because I didn't know what I was supposed to be.

So, I don't want to identify with that person anymore. After finally realising, accepting and embracing who I am I have never felt happier in my entire life. Yeah, I have a whole new set of reasons to be depressed now, but those things pale in comparison to the mental and emotional tumult I went through for so long. I don't want anyone to associate that person with *this* person. Although, we are the same in the more important ways, we are two different people.

I am River Arin Laurie. I am a woman with purpose and clarity. It doesn't matter if I look like it or not (although, that is certainly a huge goal), I am who I am, and I'm not looking back.

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