Girlfriends

Wed, Dec 25 2013 11:02am CST 1
Lynn
Lynn
13 Posts
I've heard sexual orientation is not dependent on gender identity......
I have a girlfriend who loves me and whom I love. We have been together for 3 years.
We have been discussing my gender identity for 18 months. I just started HRT. She is distraught about my decision. I would predict there is a better than good chance she will end our romantic relationship. This breaks my heart. She is not attracted to women so she thinks she will no longer be attracted to me sexually. hmmm
Wed, Dec 25 2013 12:00pm CST 2
Jo-I-Dunno
Jo-I-Dunno
66 Posts
Don't give up hope in that department! I've heard lots of stories of women sticking with their MTF partners through transition even though they're heterosexual. Also, since I assume you see yourself as a masculine woman, maybe you'll never lose your male identity to her. How does she feel about that?

If it's purely a physical thing... you don't yet know how much hormones will change you. I've never been in a relationship (so take everything I say with a grain of salt), but looking at myself in the mirror, I imagine if someone was sexually attracted to me before hormones, they'd still be 3.5 years later for the same reasons.
Thu, Jan 2 2014 11:11am CST 3
Lynn
Lynn
13 Posts
You were right on. My girlfriend freaked out and then did a big double take. She talked with family and friends and her therapist all who like me and she decided to stay with me and just try and stay in the present moment while we see how this develops.
Thu, Jan 30 2014 06:58pm CST 4
Lynn
Lynn
13 Posts
Well, how things changed when my breasts started developing. I'm so depressed. With her behind me I could do anything and face the world but now I'm not sure.
Mon, Feb 3 2014 08:37pm CST 5
Jo-I-Dunno
Jo-I-Dunno
66 Posts
Hmmm.

Usual disclaimer: I've never been in a relationship, but I know I wouldn't want to be in one where I didn't get to be myself. I'm obviously not saying you should make one choice over another, but it's important to REALLY imagine your life years from now down either path. Then throw in a bunch of variations of each. What's the best-sounding outcome? Shoot for that. If you can't imagine a good outcome (I hope you can!) shoot for the one that's least crappy.

Human life is a beautiful thing with infinite opportunities. Dwelling on the bad ones does nobody any good. Recognize them, minimize them, and work towards the good ones.
Fri, Feb 7 2014 09:24pm CST 6
Lynn
Lynn
13 Posts
I have a really great and supportive endicrinologist (sic) who told me that I have to do this for myself and my happiness. She said yes I might lose my girlfreind but there are many other folks who would want to be with me. My girlfriend is now saying she thinks she could get comfortable with an A cup. But the Estrogen has so many good things about it. One of the most important for me is the mood effect. I didn't know I could be so happy. After 45 years of reoccurant major depression being happy is almost unbelievable. I've told my girlfriend that stopping the estrogen when I get to an A cup might result in going back into depression. It would be cruel for that to happen.
Thu, Jul 24 2014 02:31pm CDT 7
River
River
37 Posts
I'm not taking HRT yet (sad face), so I don't have that kind of experience. I do think my past relationships have probably failed due to a few possible things: a) practically asexual, b) Asperger's making me oblivious, and c) being a male-shaped chick.

I think it's far more important to find "that special someone" in yourself. If you can do that showing confidence, happiness and strength, then someone will notice. It really doesn't matter how you identify or what body you have, because we're ultimately attracted to the wholeness of someone. Whatever "standards" someone might have will go right out the window if the chemistry is there.

We're a species that thinks too much about things that don't need it, and far less on the things that do. Sometimes you just have to let go and just live.

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